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Posted by Jessica Windell on

Imagine walking down the street, American flag bandana holding back your flowing mane, turning heads as your vintage ’90s ski suit swishes with each step. No, you haven’t time-traveled. You’ve been outfitted by Shinesty.

Unabashedly loud and endearingly retro, Shinesty waves its freak flag high. The team’s goal was a simple one: to bring out the most outlandish collection of clothing the world has ever seen — and it’s pretty clear they’re succeeding on that front.

Based in Boulder CO., Shinesty Founder Chris White originated the concept after recognizing the popularity of ugly Christmas sweater parties. Knowing that the demand was there, he and his team set out on a mission to bring together the world’s most outrageous clothing to one place. Shinesty’s mission is to clear up the impossibility of navigating the stuffed racks of thrift shops by bringing you exactly what you’re looking for and making it accessible online.

A modern day redneck cowboy? Covered. A neon-fueled, Aquanet-soaked epic ’80s outfit? Got it. A boldly patriotic, bald eagle-approved burst of American pride? Check, check, check.

So, whether you want to blow away the other guests at your next themed party or just want to stay true to your inner ’80s child, all you gotta do is “Shine On.”

We’re particularly entranced by their supremely patriotic collection for the 4th of July:

shinesty usa apparel

• The ‘Merican Gentleman (a.k.a America’s Birthday Suit): yeah, it’s a full american flag suit…because quite frankly wearing your birthday suit on the 4th will more than likely net you a felony charge.

• Women’s Ass Coverings That Would Make Betsy Ross Blush: there’s a full fleet of shorts and leggings…cause red and blue is the new black.

• The Tommy J Blazer: Looking for the only blazer that goes with everything in your entire wardrobe? That’s the majesty of 50% stars, 50% stripes and some gold buttons with eagles on them.

If everyone’s still thirsty for America, they’ve got enough bald eagles, American flag hammer pants and a slew of vintage American badasserie to make lesser nations shake in their boots. Happy Fourth!